A fascinating read, it’s so tricky to nail down. There is so much overlap, my partner was diagnosed with BPD when she was very young. There was a lot of severe self-sabotaging behaviour long before I met her, and some almost narcissistic behaviours when we met. But so much of that has almost faded away as her ‘self’ comes to the fore. I’m not sure if its BPD, CPTSD, but for me as a partner the label doesn’t matter. understanding more about what’s happening underneath is helpful though. The sense of ‘self’ is the point for me. I recognise all the things you describe as being part of BPD in that sense. I had begun to think she was misdiagnosed and believe its simply the presence of trauma. Something unhealed which can be. But that’s my simple, non academic human response. Which may well be my own denial or naivety about such things. But I can’t help but wonder because she is not the same person she was when we met and certainly not the same person she was in her younger years. My primitive understanding of such diagnosis was that it was pretty finite. ‘That’s who you are’. Until I met my partner and can see the myriad of overlaps and changes, shedding almost of certain characteristics. I don’t know. I try to see people, human beings, not a diagnosis, so I’m not the right person to be commenting on such things. Yet living with someone who has experienced severe trauma and not received the things she needed as a child in terms of love. Leading to feeling worthless, not good enough, fear of abandonment etc I can literally see the connection between each self critique and the specific moment that created it. And so my understanding/approach/experience is to simply give love to the parts that were missing love, challenge the self doubt, self hate and sabotaging behaviour and allow my partner the space and opportunity to do the same in a stable environment. Basically I just see trauma as the legacy of the event itself, practical things we can see, struggle with and find ourselves trying to heal or understand better. Perception of something is the hardest part when it comes to trauma, both perceptions are truth. One is seeing from trauma rather than the self. Encouraging self shines a light on the trauma controlling us. Regardless of our diagnosis.