Couldn’t relate more, the heart is big and patience long, but when gone, they’re gone. The hard part is often the fight to keep them in something, which is telling, I’m not sure it’s a good thing or a bad thing, and perhaps we should be gone much sooner…but that would then take away something that feels a big part of me, is that big heart and long patience (which for so long I believed to be my commitment and honest value of love) actually a trauma response or need to fulfil something that was missing as a child? When we give so much and don’t get ‘enough’ in return to the point we’re ‘gone’…does that simply mean we don’t recognise what we actually want, what’s actually right for us?

A question I’ve been asking myself in recent years. Finding myself resisting the ‘gone mentality’. It’s not what I want, yet my heart is bigger and patience longer than ever before this time…but I keep finding myself at the doorstep of that feeling.

It’s trying to teach me something, figuring out that lesson is a challenge, because there are many reasons to be gone. Yet MY love keeps me hanging on.

Perhaps the lesson is to do what I’ve always done, accept, know myself and walk away from what doesn’t feel right. Or perhaps it’s to commit deeper and stay, accept what isn’t right, be unaffected.