Hi Chris, just wanted to drop a thank you for this article, it’s refreshing to read something about narcissism which isn’t the mass of blame-oriented fear and disgust at the ‘label’ itself. The set-up was spot on, and the myths I agree with, I’m sure there are others too. In my own experience, I have very much gone through the process of falling for the myths and rhetoric which far out ways something closer to an empathetic understanding that you’ve displayed here. And that I have in fact found in myself over the past 6 years. Understanding ‘why’ it exists is one thing, all the different and complex reasons. But accepting it and not allowing to impact us is another. That being something we are accountable for. The defining moment for me was being able to separate the disorder/trauma from the human being. As much as ‘narcissists’ can be vile, manipulative, devaluing and all the rest of it, they are still human. Those are the projections of how they feel about themselves. It’s not an excuse, but it is a reality check, that we are accountable for not allowing that abuse into our self. A higher degree of narcissism in someone is generally down to abuse they received. It’s one element of the resulting complex trauma of that which they avoid dealing with. The way I see it, is that this kind of trauma results from a place where love, respect, acceptance and support didn’t exist. So we, as secure adults can provide that. We can only do so if we ourselves give love, respect, acceptance and support to oursleves through boundaries, doing what’s good for us etc etc. people need to understand that narcissism isn’t a death sentence, isn’t about good vs evil and all that mythological stuff. People just need to be accountable. Set boundaries. Challenge any violation. And if things don’t change, leave. It isn’t rocket science, but I wholeheartedly empathise with anyone who has experienced a narcissistic relationship. It’s not easy to accept that we enable our own so called ‘punishment’. That we are accountable for that, nobody else. Narcs are survivors just as much as we are having known and loved them. We have to do what’s right for us, always. Which in most cases is also what’s right for them, stay or go.