I agree that this particular case sounds controlling, however this narrative is dangerous, sometimes people are just being chivalrous. Example: I offer to take my wife to work and pick her up, she can get the bus, but by driving her it saves her 2 hours in the morning and an hour and a half at night getting home. It makes no difference to my day because I work for myself. And actually, want to help my wife, make her life easier, give her extra time in bed to rest and more time in the evening for us. She’s generally tired, drained and emotionally unavailable. However she refuses – because I LOVE her. She understands my logic, that I’m genuine. Yet she also believes this statement of yours. She’s had experience with abusive partners in the past and that perspective, the guard, the self protection affects her view of every man shes had a relationship with, ours included. Yet she moans, all the time, to everyone, about having to get the bus. So I repeat: ‘the offers always there sweets, you know that’ – rage ensues. It’s self-sabotaging. Mind boggling and incredibly sad. Watching my wife punish herself. This is just one example, purely relating to this statement on your list. I understand that there are a lot of people out there who don’t have our best intentions at the core of their choices or ‘love’ for us – but spreading this narrative as though it’s a global and factual phenomenon only acts to perpetuate the cycle of trauma. We should always choose love instead. Question, learn and understand rather than label and assume. There is no singular act or word that defines someone as ‘abusive’, rather a set of patterns. It’s incredibly sad that simple kindness can end up in a different form on a list describing abuse. Shame on those who use love in such a way.