I couldn’t agree more with this, I hadn’t heard the term ‘grey rocking’ before, but when you mentioned essentially ‘being a rock’ I instantly related. At first this approach was born out of disabling the bullshit, purely through exhaustion of speaking up, expressing myself and having none of that resolved or validated. It got ti the point where I felt, well, ‘what’s the point’ - in talking, in trying to make things better, in trying to save the relationship etc etc. But then it set in, it felt good to have some power over self back, some kind of trust and security in my truth. But overtime, I realised that this approach was now the problem - I had stopped challenging, stopped having a voice, neglected my needs, feelings, etc…I’d become avoidant, just like them. This hurt me more than anything they ever said or did because I was doing it to myself. Through the perception of protecting oneself I was in fact diminishing and harming that self. This did two things; firstly it made me want to confront them and get it sorted whether that meant stay or leave and secondly it gave me more empathy for what was going on in their heads. By literally experiencing and doing what they have done for so many years; avoid. Emotionally detach. Those two things are not who I am, they are not how I want to operate in life, and so by doing so, I suddenly recognised my own accountability. Not only for enabling their behaviour, but also for my own. And how neither was what I needed or wanted.

Now, I’m still coming out of this phase in my life, in this relationship. I recognise how unhealthy it is, and how I myself am now contributing to the toxicity. Trying to balance my love and respect for self and them equally. Deciding what to do next, stay or go….