It’s such a challenging scenario, you know it’s not right, you KNOW there are narc tendencies yet you somehow convince yourself they can’t help it, the moments inbetween add up to ‘enough’ even though your heart says it’s nowhere near. You end up feeling guilty, as though you’re the one with the problem, that even you are the abusive one. They carry on as normal, as though all is well whilst you despair and question your own mind…surely that is evidence enough that you yourself are being abused? But it’s so subtle you can’t tell, one minute you’re convinced you know and the next you doubt everything and think you have it wrong, you’re overreacting. I’m still not sure, not 100%. I felt I was, many times I felt I was. Believing it and then being myself, being happy outside the relationship seemed to create a shift, they became ‘better’, more interested, more affectionate…that’s happened many times, but always gone back. There’s no consistency that’s the mind fucking part, never quite knowing if it’s them, or you. I had little confidence in my own mind during all this, still don’t sometimes, writing this is one of those moments – right now I feel like it’s me. The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that before this person – NO relationship or people I met made me feel this way, none, in my previous 38 years on earth. So if nothing else this person is different to everyone I’ve ever met before her. That list you put in your article – I can relate to and have experienced all but one of them. Kinda says it all.