Truly brilliant. Thank you for this. It’s the kind of thing I’ve tried to articulate in my own writing. Personal responsibility and accountability, our choices. It’s been a challenge for me in recent years, ironically, and this is where the blame angle comes in – I was betrayed, multiple times, in varying ways. Yet I chose to stay. My choice, one I accept and isn’t regret because I believe wholeheartedly it’s the right thing. The challenge not to blame was strong, for a long time, still can be, because there is a lack of responsibility and accountability from the other side. So whilst I have been, it isn’t returned, for varying mental health issues, past abuse trauma etc, you get the idea. Trying to communicate, reinforce boundaries, practice accountability and self-worth…whilst also learning to validate self, accept and understand another person and separate them from the affects of their trauma has been and is an ongoing challenge. As is remaining as self and practicing what I preach…when it isn’t returned. There’s that blame again. But the responsibility is finding a voice again, not biting my tongue, or leaving the situation. I know this, I do and so no longer blame but instead focus on rebuilding self, finding that voice as much as possible. I often wonder if I’m just prolonging the inevitable, that perhaps leaving is the only solution. As much as I’ve fought the past five years against it. I’m a realist, I know that we cannot sustain such things, that if I cannot let go, cannot heal, cannot stand up for self then the end is inevitable. But the difficult part…I choose to stay, and so any pain and sadness that’s felt is my fault, my choice. There is no blame. Other than for self, regardless of what lead me here, it’s myself who keeps me here. Keeps the struggle alive. I have a desire to be free of the struggle, but not the potential. Not the good between the shit. So my responsibility became about acceptance and trust in self, that I am in fact doing the right thing.

Not easy. Thank you for articulating the subject so well, a lot of food for thought.